today it is raining whole day...
does this show a sign that my feeling will be worse than before?
i tried to turn myself to be happy again...
however... this hurts me a lot... and i have to avoid my hand sweat again...
i have to be happy! coz i don't want my friends to see me like this...
i took a deep breath... and go to the gathering... and pretend nothing happen...
the gathering wasn't going well... my friends all just wait for someone to lead them... so i have to voice out again to save time...
although many friends attend the gathering, less people talk to me...
if someone talk to me just very short conversations...
i tried to start talk about something with them... however they end it fast and look away...
i felt more and more lonely in the gathering...again...
i just a nobody in the gathering...again...
the worse moment is i meet her again... it made me flash back to the past...
she just say hi to me... and left with her love one...
i can only wish her good luck with him... perhaps this is her true happiness...
although i still feel it was not fair... i can do nothing about it...
now im home... and i dunno why i write this in blog...
im so useless... tears almost drop on keyboard... and not dare to look at mirror...
i will just close my eyes... and wish for better 2moro...
these days keep raining...
i cannot go out hiking, cannot jogging, and cannot do my colouring coz of low temperature...
i wonder why the rain is so unusual...
is the rain illustrating my feeling?
why must it be raining when i have this kind of feeling?
and why im having this feeling...
every time i buy a box home feel happy...
yesterday i also feel happy to bring another box home^^
but when i go into the room i will get shocked to see mass of unfinished sets of box!
haiz... my work increase again...
new ones a lot, but finish ones just a little... should i blame myself?
however, i no need go workshop to do my art, i have already bought the machine for colouring. although expansive but worth.
this is air compressor, a machine that is very important for modeler.
this picture below is called airbrush, a special and unique hand piece for colouring. 
this is roughly what my table looks like when i built something...
this is some parts that are ready to go in colouring process...
now i have less time to built this becoz of study...
hopefully i can finish all during break and show my works to others...
from the past until until now, i have been spending and doing these stupid things and i dunno why, this is waste of money and ti me, but i found it is still fun.
i won't explain in details about this for now, i will just show some only, enjoy it:
it has been a long time since my last shopping before go into USM...
yesterday i did another 1 day shopping in prangin again although i don't want to...
i went to watch a movie that i have waited for a long time since b4 go into U,
now the movie finally come into Malaysia: Accuracy of Death by Kaneshiro Takeshi.
it was a great and meaningful movie.
after movie i went shopping, buy some comics and magazine,
i didn't buy any game, coz no new game this period.
after dinner i went to workshop, i bought a new item that i have waited for long time and some tools, and spent some time chatting there.
after go home, i calculated how much i have spend that day, it was quite shocking.
this is what i have bought yesterday, the amounts are:
- Detective Conan vol. 63 (RM4.50)
- Bleach vol. 39 (RM4.50)
- Dengeki Hobby Magazine August Issue (RM11.00)
- Mr. Base White 1000 40ml (for art use) (RM18.00)
- MG Force Impulse Gundam (RM157.00)
- Movie (RM 9.00)
- Dinner (RM5.50)
haiz... i have finish my pocket money already just in one day...so sad...
don't know still can survive the gathering this Tuesday or not...
people will say i go shopping alone like otaku, but do i look like an otaku? no way!
hopefully everything going fine this Tuesday, and hopefully i won't be sad again...
today 28th September...
suppose today is a great day to go out shopping,
i tried to make myself happy to feel free after hard days in USM
i walk myself in Prangin, and i have bought a lot of things i like, i spent a lot...
as i walk and walk i never feel happy at all, i dunno why...
all people around me are not alone, but i am...
i went to workshop after dinner, but i can do nothing there, feel very empty...
i took the unfinished pieces of work back home alone, today i have finished nothing...
i miss my old days when im not alone, but it is already a history...
i blame myself why i still cannot forget about her...it is so painful...
i cannot do anything about it...
it is the end of another day...just wish for a better tomorrow...
helo...testing....1...2...3...
hi, this is just testing post, i will post true topic later, thnx!
