运命の夜~

i know what i said recently make a lot ppl angry... but this just happen since my secret leak out that day... i was so depress, sad, and say nonsense things...
this never happen before my secret leak out, everything was fine, i was improving myself and share fun with friends...

after that happen, i face lots of problems in family and friends...
i easily lost control of myself, i talk without think properly, causing lots of ppl angry with me...

i really wish to apologies for everything... i didnt mean to be like that...
everyday in my life... i hear voices in my mind... those voices are not created by me...
the voices are not from one person only, there is another person whispering to me everytime i face problem, i think you all already know who is he...
the time my secret leak out, he told me lots of worst facts that hurt myself deeper and deeper, and he cause me talk all the negative things to ppl around me...

under the influence by jelly and mun, i just took those stuff i hv sealed long time ago, and i read some phrases that make my tears fall suddenly without reason...

''The Lord did not give you his love or take you for himself because you were more in number than any other people; for you were the smallest of the nations (Deuteronomy 7:7)''

''So have love for the Lord your God, and give him worship, and keep his laws and his decisions and his orders at all times. (Deuteronomy 11:1)''

''Then give no attention to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams: for the Lord your God is testing you, to see if all the love of your heart and soul is given to him. (Deuteronomy 13:3)''

''But the Lord your God would not give ear to Balaam, but let the curse be changed into a blessing to you, because of his love for you. (Deuteronomy 23:5 )''

''In giving you orders today to have love for the Lord your God, to go in his ways and keep his laws and his orders and his decisions, so that you may have life and be increased, and that the blessing of the Lord your God may be with you in the land where you are going, the land of your heritage. (Deuteronomy 30:16)''

(i can't believe i read something else other than ZCA110...)

thnx to my friends... now i at least understand why God still here...
although he is stil not answering me, but i wil wait...i wil resend the words to Lord until i get the answer...
i think i will stop listening to my 'advisors' in my mind, one agree with me, but the other disagree, i don't care, now i will listen to God, im listing...

i am what i am, i am myself, i do what i want, i don't need voices from them, i am controling myself, i am OZY, i am not abandoned, i am not alone, i am not the worst, i am a perfect human (perhaps?), i am something that exist, i will never make my friends angry, i will not disapoint my friends, i will walk out and make a ture smile, make a true laugh! the most important is... im happy with everything :)