运命の夜~

im living in pain since last saturday...
last suturday, it should be a happy, coz it was cats' saturday...
however... things turn upside down that night...

one of my biggest secrets had leak out...
one of my stupid family member found it it out, and tell the rest of my family...
this cause my family call for a meeting and ask for the secret...
i had been scolded until very bad...
the worse is... they want me explain everything... but i keep deny to say anything...

now i feel very sad that my family change the view about me already...im loosing their trust again...
the saddest thing is... i fail to keep the secret that i have been keeping for years...
i put a lot effort to kept it tide and secure for years...
din realize just one careless step everything goes wrong...
i feel sorry to myself...and feel sorry to the secret...
i dropped lots of tears that night...

after that happen, my life change...i ended up in depression again...
ppl around me starting to ignore me again... im invincible again...
my hands keep sweating again... my preparation for final also going worse and worse...
however i try my best to recover myself... and try not to show how i feel infront of ppl... this is painful... but no choice...
i also try to eat sweet things to calm myself from the pain... it helps a bit at least...
i dunno how can i live in future... that secret keeping me alive until now... but dunno will it keep me alive for the rest of the days?

i dunno should i end everything now? a happy ending now or a sad ending in future?
i just cannot conclude anything... too hurt to make decision...